


Is This Just Fantasy

by crushondeanlikeafairy



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, Case Fic, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, I Drugged Oliver Again, NTA, New Team Arrow, OTA, Original Team Arrow, Post-Episode: s05e23 Lian Yu, Post-Episode: s06e18 Fundamentals, Red Death - Freeform, Sorry Not Sorry, The New Guys Are Jerks, Vertigo - Freeform, but we knew that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-04-27 03:51:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 16,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14417079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crushondeanlikeafairy/pseuds/crushondeanlikeafairy
Summary: Simply put, Oliver was getting tired of being drugged by the bad guys.In other words, Oliver gets injected with the Red Death while he's on a mission and his former team members might be the only people who can save him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, I like drugging Oliver. Somebody take him away from me. XD
> 
> Title from "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen. I thought the band name may be fitting.

A sharp pain pierced his thigh and then his body felt like it was on fire. The archer ducked his head and blinked a few times to clear the tears that had suddenly sprung to his eyes. Looking down, he found a tranq dart had landed in his right thigh. Yanking it out and tossing it aside, he turned to face the adversary that had fired at him. But as he turned, he almost lost his feet as he lurched to the side. He was losing his balance, but it didn't feel like his consciousness was fading and he had to wonder just what had actually been in that dart.

The gang member he was now facing tossed his dart blower down and stepped toward the Green Arrow, along with the others who were defending the warehouse. With pain coursing through his body, Oliver was able to duck an attack from the right but missed a fist to his abdomen. He cried out in pain as he fell down to his knees. 

That hurt more than it should. The pain amplified tenfold and his vision blacked out for a second. It felt like that shark was biting into him again. He was in the midst of trying to figure out what was going on when someone kicked him from behind, hitting him smack in his right shoulder. Images of Lian Yu, when Conklin was whipping him flashed through his head, followed immediately by the blinding pain.

It hit him then. He knew what this drug was. He'd experienced it before, back on Lian Yu. Everything always led back to that God-forsaken island. Memories crashed through his mind, one after the other, and pain overwhelmed him. He realized then that this fight was something that should probably be continued later. The archer pressed his hands into the floor, shoving his body up onto his feet, trying to ignore the momentary blackout in his vision. Oliver managed to shove past the goon standing directly in front of him and knocked a grappling arrow, aiming upwards. He thanked whatever deity was still looking out for him that his arrow flew true and hooked up through the skylight. Once he was on the top he stumbled a few paces before regaining his balance as best he could, then he took off down the roof, disappearing into the night.

* * *

 

Felicity Smoak was sitting on the couch in the living room of the apartment she shared with her apartment and the boy she was beginning to consider as her son. It still felt odd to think. Just a few short months ago she didn't have either of those things and now she had a family. Her team had always been her family. Oliver had always been her family. But being able to say she had a husband and child still blew her mind. 

She had put William to bed just a few hours ago and had decided to sit down and quietly read a book. Being a tech genius and moonlighting as vigilante often meant she didn't have enough time to sit down and just read, but after being fired as Overwatch she suddenly found she had nights free. Some would have used this time to catch up on sleep, but she was finding that sleep just wouldn't come when she knew her husband was out in the streets alone doing God knows what. No, she wouldn't see sleep tonight until he walked through that door and gave her a solemn hug, letting her know that he understands how she's feeling, how she's worried, but yet unable to fix it. She thought it ridiculous, that he could end her worry in a heartbeat if he wanted to, but she supposed that Oliver had to do what he had to do to get through everything that's been happening lately. She'd let it go on just a little longer. Her husband didn't have a job anymore either since he was impeached, and unfortunately, that meant a lot more time for him to spend unsupervised in his other job as the Green Arrow. That she had to sit and wait and worry more often. She told herself that she was fine with it but she also knew that was a lie.

So, Felicity sat on the couch with her favourite crochet blanket wrapped around her and her favourite book in her hands as she read quietly, a single lamp illuminating the pages from over her left shoulder. She had just looked up to check the door for any sign of Oliver for probably the hundredth time when her phone started vibrating on the coffee table. Folding a corner of her page to save it, the blonde swung her legs off the couch and set the book in her purse. She reached beside it and picked up her phone. As soon as she saw Oliver on the caller i.d. she felt her heart start pounding in her chest. 

Why would he be calling? He never calls. He just comes home quietly, trying to sneak in and not wake anyone even though he knows she'll be up waiting for him. He wouldn't call. Something had to be wrong.

"Calm down, Felicity," she murmured to herself, "Everything is fine."

She hit the green button to answer the call and held the device up to her ear.

"Oliver?" she asked breathlessly, terrified.

"Felicity," came his voice, sounding strained, "I need help."

And then she swore she felt her heart stop.


	2. Chapter 2

Felicity didn't think she had run faster in her life. Well, apart from that time Oliver had been dosed with Vertigo and went to the precinct on a suicide mission. But this probably wasn't like that. What were the odds Oliver would be drugged again only a few weeks after the first time?  Then again, Oliver was always a man who made his own odds. She really hoped he hadn't been drugged again.

She reached the bunker in record time, pushing the button on the elevator and tapping her toe impatiently as she waited for it to open. When she stepped in time she couldn't help but push the down button several times, hoping in vain that the action would speed it up. When the door opened and she stepped out into the bunker, she panicked when she didn't immediately see her husband. The lights above the main platform were on, but no others, so if he wasn't up there she wasn't sure where he'd be.

Slowly stepping up toward her computers, she looked around cautiously, calling out for Oliver. She nearly jumped out of her own skin when she heard her name being whispered back. Spinning around, she saw him sitting by the table where everybody used to sit and discuss game plans. That felt like a long time ago. He wasn't sitting in a chair though, and that made her heart race faster. He was sitting on the floor with his knees drawn up to his chest.

"Oliver!" she shouted in alarm, running down the platform steps to reach him. She stumbled to a halt and knelt down in front of him, trying to see him better in the dim lighting, "Are you hurt? Are you bleeding? Were you drugged? Please don't say you were drugged again. I don't know if we can deal with another Vertigo situation, I mean you went a little off the deep end last time. Hallucinations are not fun. Well, not that I would know, I-"

"Felicity," he whispered, looking up at her finally and she could see the pain in his eyes, "It's not Vertigo."

"It's not Vertigo? But you were drugged?"

He nodded slightly, she almost didn't see it. Felicity decided to take a better look at him, assess his state. He was sweating, that was obvious. His pupils weren't dilated though, but he was shaking slightly. For all her knowledge, the hacker hadn't seen this reaction before. She couldn't place it, but she knew enough to know it was bad. Felicity leaned forward, resting a hand on one of Oliver's own where he had entwined them around his knees.

"Honey, what... what did they give you?"

Oliver took a shaky inhale, squeezing his eyes shut. He took his hands off his knees, away from hers, and ran them through his hair. He straightened out his legs, grimacing as he did so. Felicity saw that he was still wearing his Green Arrow suit.

"I don't want you to get hung up on the name," he said softly, looking earnestly into her eyes despite the agony that she saw lying beneath, "It'll wear off."

"Oliver, what-"

"It's called Red Death. It's a KGB interrogation drug. I was going after some of Anatoly's old Bratva brothers tonight, I guess they must've gotten there hands on some."

"Red Death?! Why is it called that?! That's a horrible name. Are you sure you're gonna be okay? Because I don't know what's going on exactly but looking at you now, I'm very concerned and I think maybe we should try and find a cure. Or maybe I'm jumping ahead of myself but seriously-"

"Felicity, I said don't get hung up on the name. It's not important."

She gave him a stink face as she looked at him, "Well, then why is it called that? Drugs don't get names like that for no reason."

"Probably because..." Oliver hesitated, looking away and biting his bottom lip, "Most people who are injected with it end up committing suicide."

Her mouth hung up. Felicity was speechless. It took her a minute to buffer. She reached forward, grabbing both of his hands in her own and fixed her eyes right on his.

"Oliver, I am going to need you to tell me  **right now** exactly what you've been injected with."

"I promise, I'll tell you in a minute but right now I really need you to do me a favour."

She exhaled softly, smiling at him, "Yes, of course."

"Can you please go grab the grey sweatshirt that I keep down here? This is too tight and it hurts," he gestured to his leather jacket.

"Oliver Queen, I know you did not drag me all the way down here at two in the morning to get you a sweatshirt," she admonished jokingly. He almost laughed, but it came out as more of a pained huff.

"No," he shooked his head with a small smile on his face, "I would never do that."

"Uh-huh, yeah right," Felicity responded as she stood and went off in search of his sweatshirt. When she came back, he was struggling to get his Arrow jacket off his shoulders. She knelt down in front of his again, helping him get both the jacket and the undershirt off. The new bruises she saw there nearly broke her heart. She would never totally get used to it. Felicity handed over the sweatshirt, and he was again having trouble getting it on. When he zipped it up finally, she rested one hand on his shoulder, moving to sit beside him rather than in front.

"Now will you tell me what's going on?" she asked, resting her other hand on his chest, right below her first one. Right where his Bratva tattoo used to be before Chase took that away too.

Oliver cried out in pain, leaning forward and bringing his hands up to protect his chest. She jumped back like she'd been burned, horrified that she may have been the source of his pain. Felicity watched him take deep breaths, his eyes scrunched shut as he tried to breathe through the pain.

"I'm so sorry, Oliver, I didn't see you were injured there," she said, nearly in tears, holding her hands up to her mouth.

"I'm not," he said breathlessly, not ready to sit back up yet, "Not anymore."

"I don't understand," she whispered, slowly dropping her hands into her lap.

He looked up at her, taking one of her hands in both of his and transferring it from her lap to his. Oliver stared down at their enjoined hands as he fiddled with them, rubbing his thumbs over the back of her hand and playing with her fingers.

"Red Death causes psychological pain. Apparently, any pain you ever experience is stored in your brain. The drug brings it forward. So, if you touch any of my scars, then I'll feel what I felt when I first got it, all over again."

"That's horrible," Felicity gasped, watching him intently.

"It should last for awhile, last time I was injected with it, it wore off eventually."

"You were injected with this stuff before? Of course, you were."

"Yes, on Lian Yu."

"Of course, Lian Yu. Why would it ever be anywhere else?" Felicity asked sarcastically before sobering up, "You said most people kill themselves?"

"The man who gave me the drug last time said most men only last a few minutes before the pain becomes too much and they take their own life. I almost caved last time, but I lasted through it. I think with your help, I can do it again."

"How long did it take last time?"

"Thirty minutes, maybe an hour."

"Great," she huffed, settling down beside him, accepting the fact she won't be getting her hand back, "How long has it been?"

"Twenty minutes."

"Great," she said again, tossing up her free hand, "At least there are no hallucinations this time."

Finally, he looked up at her, smiling sheepishly.

"There are hallucinations, aren't there?" she asked nervously, narrowing her eyes and grimacing. He nodded solemnly.

"Great!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright. Bed time. Chapter 3 tomorrow probably. Two in one night, I'm on a roll.  
>  I'd love to hear your guys' comments or constructive criticism if y'all have it. Or just a funny or not so funny joke. Or nada. Nada good too.


	3. Chapter 3

Felicity moved her husband over to the makeshift med bay they had set up by the staircase. It was originally for work on Diggle's arm problem but the team had realized they might need a med bay in the future so left it up. It's now where they kept the first aid supplies and the machine that ran blood and chemical analyses. She had set up a cot in the corner and manhandled Oliver up on to it, tearing up whenever one of her hands touched the wrong spot and he would cry out in pain. He had so many scars that it was near impossible for her to not touch them. But she finally got him settled on the cot, gave him and blanket and pillow sat down on the side near him.

"Comfy?" she asked softly, running her thumb along the back of one of his hands. He had his eyes squeezed shut, blinking them open when he heard her voice. He looked so tired.

"Yea," he said, smiling as best he could.

"Do you see anything yet?" Felicity whispered, looking around despite knowing that no matter what he saw, there would be nothing there.

"Have for awhile," he admitted quietly, taking his hands to fidget with the blanket she had lain over him. Oliver glanced quickly over her shoulder before turning to stare back down at his hands. Felicity looked again despite her better judgement before huffing at her own ignorance and looking back at him.

"Who's there?" she asked, taking his hands again. He took a deep breath and sniffed and she could tell he was trying to hold back tears.

"Diggle."

The hacker was confused for a second, frowning at her husband.

"John?" she shook her head in question, "Why do you see John?"

Oliver let out a breath she swore he must have been holding and refused to meet her eyes as he answered, "He's telling me to kill myself. He... he says I only hurt the people I care about and that if I died... they'd all be safe finally."

Felicity barely held back the sob that threatened to break free.

"Oliver, honey, I-" she cut herself off, at a loss for words. Felicity Smoak couldn't think of anything to say, so she stood up and fixed her skirt, "Do you need some water?"

He nodded slightly and she turned to go find a bottle, she needed time to think. If she didn't word her support just right, it might have the opposite effect that she intended. When she came back and handed him the bottle, she pulled a rolling chair up beside the cot and sat down, smoothing out her skirt again.

"John really upset you when he left, huh?" she asked, spinning her chair back and forth a little bit, not quite turning away but not sitting still. He nodded in response.

"When he left, he said that every bad thing that's happened was because of bad decisions that I have made. Even... even William's mother dying. He said that people, even him, have lost faith in my leadership and that I'm not the kind of hero that Star City needs," Oliver took a shaky breath, clearly having trouble, "He was right."

"Baby, no, he wasn't," Felicity said adamantly, leaning forward onto her knees and taking his hand in her own again. She was finding it hard to refrain from touching him. In the time that she's known Oliver, she has found that physical touch comforted him. Holding his arm, caressing his face, running her hands through his hair, or even just a hug. But right now, the only spot she knew wouldn't hurt him was his hands, so she'd have to make due. She tapped his hand a few times before continuing, "How could John say those things? It sounds like he said everything with Prometheus was your fault. He spent all of last year telling you that it wasn't."

"Well, I guess he changed his mind. I told you guys it was all my fault, and maybe now John sees that I, that Adrian, was right."

"No, don't ever say that. Chase was all kinds of wrong. He was insane and he was taking his problems out on you in the worst ways possible. And that's what everyone else is doing now. John, Curtis, Dinah, and Rene. All of them. They have issues and they blame it on you. Maybe because it's easy to."

Oliver looked up at her quickly, "Why is it easy?"

"Probably because you already blame yourself for everything," Felicity said, smiling sadly, "If you already take the blame onto yourself, it would be the easiest thing in the world for them to shove their issues and own failings onto you instead of facing the guilt they carry for themselves."

"I know," Oliver answered, taking a deep, shaky breath, "I know I do it. But I just can't seem to stop."

"Because it's who you are," Felicity said sweetly, "You want to protect everybody, even though that's impossible, and when you can't do that impossible task... you see it as you failing. 

Oliver smiled back at her, "You know me so well."

"I sure hope so, I am your wife after all," she laughed, leaning back to sit up. She glanced at her watch, "It's been over an hour. Do you still feel it?"

"It's been that long?" Oliver asked quietly, looking over Felicity's shoulder, "But they're still there. And I still hurt everywhere."

Felicity tapped her foot for a minute, thinking, "Let me get a sample of your blood. I'll run some tests. See if I can figure it out."

Oliver nodded, and let her get a syringe and take some of his blood, only wincing slightly when the needle pricked his arm. Felicity leaned down and rested a hand on his shoulder, knowing there wasn't a scar in that exact spot, "And you... remember what I said. Just because everyone else says your some sort of evil person or a bad leader or not a hero... that doesn't mean it's true. You are a good man."

"But... if everybody thinks so, how can all of them be wrong?" he asked sadly and she returned his look earnestly, not a doubt in her heart.

"I'm your wife. So, I'm always right. Remember that," she said, joy filling her heart when he smiled. She went off to test his blood and hopefully help her husband.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 down! The others will probably show up in the next chapter, chapter 5 at the latest. So brace yourselves for Team Asshole to make an appearance. You have been warned.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What?! A new chapter immediately after another?! Unprecidented!!

"The results were normal. Well, not 'normal' normal. There was still Red Death. But that was it. Nothing else. I don't know the chemical makeup of the usual Red Death, so it's possible somebody made changes to the formula. Make it last longer?"

Oliver was sitting up on the cot now, tired off laying down. It made him feel vulnerable. He had his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. He was having trouble focusing on his wife's words, but he got the message. The drug wasn't wearing off. He took a deep breath, running his hands down his face as he sat up.

"What are we supposed to do?"

He didn't miss how tired he sounded, how quiet his voice was, all energy drained from him hours ago. He also didn't miss the worried look Felicity shot him.

"I... I don't know. I have no idea how long it'll take to wear off. Or if it ever will. I don't know how to cure it," the volume of her voice petered off as she went, finishing in a whisper. Oliver stood with a grimace, pushing through the pain to move toward his spouse and pull her into a hug. It wasn't as comforting as he had hoped since he had to keep his torso from pressing into hers, turning the action into him just awkwardly wrapping his arms around her shoulders.

"Hey, this isn't your fault," he whispered softly, trying to get her to meet his gaze, "Don't blame yourself."

Felicity gave a watery laugh, wiping tears from her eyes, "It seems our roles have been reversed."

He laughed, leaning in to kiss her on the cheek. Oliver accidentally brushed his right shoulder against Felicity's arm. The scar there was just from a knife, not even one of his worst ones. But he still couldn't hold in his cry of pain as the memory flashed before his eyes. Felicity quickly helped him stand up from where he had doubled over, guiding him back over to the cot.

"I appreciate the comfort, but maybe refrain from hugs and kisses for the time being?" she said kindly, adjusting the pillow for him to lean on and handing him his water bottle. He had started shaking again, and she could tell he was sweating more than he was before. She forced herself not to cry, "I hate seeing you like this."

Oliver forced out another laugh, "I hate feeling like this."

"Maybe it's time to consider asking for help?"

"From who?"

"I think you know."

"Ok."

And that was how Felicity knew just how bad it was. No arguments. No complaints. No saying how the old team members can't be trusted. That it would be dangerous to work with people they don't trust. Just 'ok'.

"I'll go call them," she said solemnly, patting his knee and walking a few feet away. She looked over her shoulder at Oliver, at how tired he looked. At the lines creased in his forehead as he tried to breath through the pain. At the tremors going through his body. Noticing how he flinched away from some vision that she couldn't see. It broke her heart.

Reaching for her phone, she took a deep breath, steadying herself. She put her phone up to her ear.

"Hello?"

"John."

"Felicity?" came his concerned voice, "Are you okay?"

"No," she cried, "Or, well... I am. It's Oliver. Please, John. I know you quit the team, but I know you care about each other. We really need your help."

"How bad is it?"

"Bad."

The other end of the line was silent for a minute, and she worried it got disconnected for a moment.

"I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Actually, could you meet me at the loft?"

"Uh... sure," Diggle sounded surprised, "Why?"

"Because I need you to bring the others with you."

Silence followed again, before Diggle agreed and hung up, saying he'd try his best.

It was all she could hope for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok yea. We got Diggle as predicted, but the others are running late. Chapter 5 here we come!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did y'all see last night's episode? BEYOND PISSED! No spoilers but long story short: NTA is annoying (no shock) and Oliver deserves better (obviously).

Oliver jerked awake, his chest heaving as he fought to catch his breath. Drenched in a cold sweat, he looked around frantically for any signs of danger. He didn't remember falling asleep, but it had been almost as agonizing as being awake and he certainly didn't feel anymore rested than he had before. 

Deciding that there were no present threats, Oliver looked around the dark bunker, the only light coming from the top of the stairway behind Oliver's cot. There was nobody else there. He was alone. Tossing the blanket off of him, he sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the couch.

"Felicity?" he called out into the dark, wondering what had become of his wife. She didn't leave him. She wouldn't do that. She promised she'd always be there.

"She lied."

Oliver jumped, letting out a cry of surprise. He lost his balance as he spun around, landing hard on the concrete floor. There was a figure standing by the back wall, sneering at him.

"Who's there?"

"Now, now, Oliver. Don't you recognize me?" came the voice of Adrian Chase as he stepped out of the shadows. Oliver sat up, throwing a tired look Adrian's way.

"Not you again."

"Not happy to see me?"

"Twice in the same month is a little too much for me," Oliver remarked snidely, trying to put on a brave face. Trying to hide the fact that he was terrified. But he couldn't hide from his own subconscious.

"Why are you so surprised? I'll never leave you, I told you that last time you saw me. Remember?" Adrian laughed, moving toward Oliver the whole time he spoke.

"No, you're not real," Oliver squeezed his eyes shut, determined to ignore the apparition.

"Oh, I'm real. I'm a part of you. The part of you that knows that Felicity left you, Oliver. She finally got smart."

"She didn't. She went... she went to..." Oliver was having trouble remembering a lot of what happened before he fell asleep. He couldn't think straight. He was shaking again. It started coming back in bits and pieces, "Help. She went to get help."

"Why? We both know you're beyond help," Chase laughed again. Oliver couldn't even find it in him to argue. God, he was tired. There was a whisper directly behind him now, "You're a monster, Oliver."

"No," Oliver said adamantly, shaking his head and pressing his hands to his ears, futilely trying to block out the torment.

"Why do you think everyone leaves you, huh? Because they see the real you. Your new team left. Thea finally got smart and rid herself of you-"

"No! It was my idea! She deserves to be happy!" Oliver shouted, doubling over as he scratched his hands through his hair. Tears were streaming down his face and he still refused to open his eyes. If he didn't look, it couldn't be real.

"Diggle quit the team. They all got out before you could destroy them like you destroy everything else."

"That's not true!"

"It is, and you know it. Soon, Felicity will leave too. If she hasn't already."

"You're wrong!" Oliver cried, tearing at his hair. Pulling and pulling. The pain wasn't anything in comparison to the agony that had been coursing through his body and his heart for hours, but it was a distraction.

"I'm not wrong, Oliver," Adrian whispered into the archer's ear, sending a chill down his spine, "I wasn't wrong about you, and I'm not wrong about this."

Oliver waited, tears streaming down his face, for the next onslaught. When it didn't come, he slowly sat up straight and released his hair from the death grip he had on it. Prometheus was gone. Ignoring the pain that shot through his body, and the fact that he had no energy left, Oliver stood and slowly made his way to the closest light switch. He flipped it, illuminating the bunker. Having nothing left to make it back to the cot, he fell to his knees and then sat down, gingerly leaning back against the wall. He felt a pain in his chest, pressing down on his heart. He'd tell Felicity about that later. When she came back like he knew she would. But for right now, he just didn't want to be in the dark all alone anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so haha. I made y'all wait for the team peoples. I thought that maybe I should focus on Oliver and exactly what he's dealing with with this drug. I've accidently made the fic mostly Felicity POV so far. Not bad, just not what I intended. So here ya go. Enjoi!


	6. Chapter 6

6:00 a.m.

Felicity checked her phone for what felt like the hundredth time. She'd been waiting in the loft for over an hour, which meant Oliver had been suffering at the hands of that God-awful drug for over four. She had gotten him settled on the cot before she left, telling her husband to try and get some rest. In his current state, she didn't even know if that was possible, but it made her feel better about leaving him all alone down in the bunker. Diggle had sent her a message saying that the others had all begrudgingly agree to meet, though he hadn't said what time they'd be here. She couldn't be mad at them though. They were all probably woken up because of her, and if she really thought about, she was lucky that they even agreed to come in the first place. She just couldn't get over the fear she had for her husband, not knowing what was going on while she was away.

The door to the loft opened and she jerked her head up to see who entered, eagerly stepping toward them.

"This had better be good, Blondie," Rene said by way of greeting. Dinah, Curtis, and John entered behind him.

"Yea, Felicity," Curtis continued, "Nick and I were gonna to sleep in today. Late night. We just started staying over and doing-"

"Ok TMI, Curtis," Dinah cut him off, and everybody appreciated it. Their fellow vigilante had a tendency to overshare.

"Alright, Felicity," Diggle said, causing everyone to turn toward her, "What's going on? What happened to Oliver?"

She shuffled her feet. It had seemed so easy to ask for their help over their phone, but looking at them now she found it near impossible. Rene's sneer at the mention of her husband was enough to make her question herself. But she had to. If the drug didn't wear off, then Oliver would need a cure. And she wouldn't be able to find one by herself.

"Oliver was drugged again," she blurted out, crossing her arms.

"Wait... again?" Diggle asked, receiving nods of confusion from Dinah and Rene. Felicity realized then that she had only told Curtis.

"Oh well... a couple weeks ago, right before Oliver was impeached, some city councilmen dosed Oliver with vertigo so that he would miss his hearing," Felicity explained, "It really messed him up. He was hallucinating and he almost got himself killed on a suicide mission. I had to go and save him. But he came out of it with this idea that he has to do everything alone and he basically fired me as Overwatch."

"Why didn't you tell me, Felicity?!" John shouted, stepping toward her. Felicity tossed her hands up and stepped back.

"I don't know, John. Maybe it's because you decided you wanted nothing to do with either of us."

"It wasn't like that and you know it," Diggle tried to defend himself, but she wasn't having it.

"No, you know what? It doesn't matter. Right now Oliver needs your help. We can discuss this later."

"So what is going on Felicity? What was he drugged with this time?" Dinah asked, getting down to business, "It's not vertigo again?"

She sighed, running a hand down her tired face, "It's worse. It's some KGB interrogation drug."

"What the hell?" Rene asked, throwing his hands in the air, "That's random."

"I don't know. He went after some of Anatoly's old men and they got him with it."

"What is this stuff?" Dinah asked, trying to redirect the conversation again. She wished Rene would stop derailing them. She had to be at work in two hours and was really going to need some coffee. She also surprised herself when she realized that she cared about Oliver and actually wanted to help.

"It kind of brings up past pain. If you touch any of his scars then he feels that pain from the original wound. He's hallucinating again and he doesn't know what's real. He's been having flashbacks. Apparently, the drug is so strong that most people who are injected with it end up killing themselves pretty quickly and I left him alone and I just need to get back to him to make sure he's even still alive! Are you guys going to help or not, because I can't believe I left him unattended! What have I done?!" 

By the end, Felicity was hyperventilating. John stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Felicity, pulling her closer.

"It's okay. I'll help. We'll get this sorted out."

"Me too. I'll call out of work today," Dinah walked toward the pair, resting a hand on her shoulder.

"Seriously, Dee?" Rene asked, "The guy kind of has this coming."

Felicity pushed John away so she could look at Rene, utter disbelief written across her face, "Excuse me?!"

To Felicity's surprise, Dinah stepped away to get into Rene's face.

"How could you say something like that? We only know a portion of what Oliver has been through in the last decade. The last two years alone have been hell. Can you imagine all of that coming back at once? You wouldn't be able to stand it. And you think we should just leave him to deal with it all by himself? You want to just leave him to inevitably kill himself when he can't take it anymore? Say what you want about Oliver, but if any of us were in that situation, he wouldn't hesitate to help us and you know it. Because that's what heroes do. I thought that's what we were, Rene."

The man looked shocked, stunned into silence. That was a first. Curtis filled the silence with an awkward cough, dragging to looks of everyone but Rene toward him.

"Dinah is right. I'll help too."

Then everyone looked back to Rene expectantly. He looked uncomfortable with all the attention, looking down at his feet.

"Fine. I'm in."

Felicity let out a sigh of relief, bringing her hands to her heart, "Oh thank you so much."

She looked like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She took one hand to wipe the tears from her eyes as she sniffed.

"Go back to the bunker, Felicity. I'll call Raisa and let her know that she needs to take care of William today. Then we'll all meet back at the bunker, okay?" John said calmly, rubbing a hand comfortingly down her back.

"Thank you," Felicity gave him a quick hug, before running towards the door, throwing more gratitude over her shoulder as she went, "Thank you, thank you!"

The remaining vigilantes stood around in silence, staring at the door where she had disappeared.

 

"Just let me get Zoe to school and then I'll meet you guys at the bunker," Rene grumbled.

"Let's try and all be there by oh-eight-hundred hours," Diggle ordered, and they nodded in agreement, some more enthusiastic than others.


	7. Chapter 7

Felicity nervously rode down the elevator. She hadn't thought of what leaving him alone to get help could do, and the longer she was away from him, the worse her anxiety got. The elevator door opened and she stepped out quickly, noticing the lights had been turned back on at some point. So he wasn't asleep then. That was a bust. But that meant he was awake to do other things.

"Oliver?" her voice cracked as she called out.

"Felicity?" the response was quiet and broken, but she heard it and let out a shaky breath. She ran across the bunker till she reached the med bay, stopping when she saw he was no longer there. Glancing around, she found him on the floor at the bottom of the staircase. Moving toward him, she knelt down in front of him. She had changed from her pencil skirt into jeans while she was out, and traded her heels for sneakers, making it easier to move around. He had his knees brought up to his chest again, his arms wrapped around them and his face buried inside.

"What are you doing on the floor again?" she asked kindly, brushing his hair back. He lifted his head and she felt her heart break even more, if that was even possible at this point, when she saw the tears glistening there.

"I didn't want to be in the dark anymore..." he answered, taking a break to glance for breath, "And then I didn't have the energy to get back to bed."

Felicity reached out and took one of his hands. She noticed how pale he was, how his skin was cold and clammy, yet his hair was drenched with sweat.

"How are you doing?" her voice was soft, trying to comfort him.

"I-" he started quietly, trying to make his voice louder but finding the small task difficult, "Not good. My heart hurts."

"Well, everything hurts, Honey," Felicity countered, trying to force some humour into the dire situation.

"No, this is new. It just started while I..." he stopped himself, not exactly wanting to tell her what he saw while she was gone, "While you were gone."

Felicity gave him a concerned look, glancing up and down at him.

"How about we run some tests? Are you up for that?"

"If you think it'll help," he said quietly, shrugging. Felicity stood, reaching down and offering her hand. When he grabbed on, she pulled to help him to his feet, and back toward the med bay.

* * *

 

The pair sat quietly in rolling chairs across from each other, waiting for the results. Oliver was fiddling with his hands, staring down at them. He was obviously hallucinating again, she could tell by now, and after she saw him flinch away from the apparition for the second time she couldn't be still anymore. Rolling her chair forward, she grabbed both of his hands so he'd stop fiddling with them. She'd been doing that a lot lately. 

"Is it getting worse?" she asked, leaning forward so her eyes could meet his own.

He looked up at her for a second before averting his gaze again and nodding silently.

"Oh, Oliver," she whispered sadly, wanting, needing to do something to help him. To comfort him. She needed to give him a hug, that was how she knew to comfort him. Instead, she went for verbal support, "What did you see while I was gone. It obviously upset you."

"Chase," he muttered brokenly, and she felt a tear land on their joined hands, "Just like with the vertigo."

"You saw him when you were on vertigo too? Will that bastard ever just leave us alone?" Felicity huffed angrily, earning a surprised look from Oliver because she didn't curse often. She just gave a shrug in return.

"He said the same thing as last time too. That I was a monster," Oliver looked back down at his hands, "That's why everyone left. Why you'll eventually leave too. Because I destroy everything."

A sob escaped from him. Felicity was so shocked she almost forgot to respond. He almost never openly cried in front of anybody. She could count the number of times she'd seen it on one hand.

"Oliver, look at me," Felicity demanded, waiting for him to obey. When he finally did bring his tear-filled eyes up to her, she continued strongly, "That is not true. The only version of me that would ever leave you is the hallucinations that you see of me. The  **real**  me is  **never**  going anywhere. I need you know that. You have to belie-"

She cut off when Oliver jerked away, shrinking in on himself.

"He's back," Oliver cried, shaking again. He reached up to run his fingers through his hair, yanking at in frustration. His eyes shut again, squeezing out the last few tears and blocking the rest from falling.

"Oli-" she tried, desperately trying to think of a way to make Adrian go away. To make these hallucinations go away. To make  **all** of this go away!

"Fe-li-ci-ty," he draws out her name, agony in every syllable. It's a cry for help.

That's the last straw she can take. He was begging for her to do something. She had to stop this. Every fibre of her being fills with the  **need**  to do  **something**! To fix this in any way possible, even if it's just for a moment.

"There aren't any scars on that beautiful face of yours."

"What?"

Felicity takes his hands from his hair, resting them on her shoulders and places her own on the back of his head. She gently presses him forward until he gives in and lets his neck bend and their foreheads meet. This close, she could feel the tremors coming from his body moving through hers.

"Breath with me," she whispers.

Closing her eyes, she takes a deep calming breath, feeling him do the same. They stay like that for several minutes, taking in each other's scents and mimicking the other's breaths. He jerks a few times, no doubt trying to escape the torments of his own mind, but eventually, he stills and the only movement is the soft rise and fall of his chest.

"Better?" she asks, a small smile gracing her lips.

"So much," comes his whispered response. A real smile breaks free this time. She did it. She found a way to help. To make things better. It would only last as long as they could stay this way, but for now, it was enough.

"Are we interrupting something?"

The pair jumped, both of their chairs spinning in the direction of the intrusion. All of the ex-team members were standing just a few feet away. 

_Great,_ Felicity thought,  _the moment gone._


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, the chapter is so late. I went on vacation and forgot my dang laptop. Typical. Anyway, this week, you guys can probably be expecting updates daily again since I have my computer back.

"How long have you guys been standing there?" Felicity asked, grabbing hold of Oliver's hand. She gave it a reassuring squeeze before walking toward the group.

"Long enough," John answered, shooting a brief sad look at Oliver, "It's really that bad?"

Felicity crossed her arms, looking down at her feet, and whispered, "This is kind of par for the course right now."

"Can we talk to him?" Dinah asked quietly. Felicity glanced over her shoulder at her husband, watched him fiddling with his hands, trying to avoid looking at the newcomers.

"If I think for even a second that any of you are making things even a little bit worse then I swear that you will be out of here before you can even blink," she ground out, leaving no room for argument. They all looked shocked for a split second before remembering that this was Felicity they were talking too and that Oliver's safety was and never would be a laughing matter to her. Nodding solemnly, the group headed toward their former leader.

Oliver looked up at them briefly as they approached before averting his gaze once more as they entered his personal bubble. He was fidgeting, picking at his fingernails, squirming in his seat. The entire team was taken aback. Oliver Queen was showing weakness.

"Hey, man," Diggle said by way of greeting, tilting his head at his friend. When Oliver didn't respond, John couldn't help but let a confused look cross his face. He glanced at Felicity, who just returned a shrug.

"Oliver, honey?" she asked, returning to her seat beside him.

"They're real, right?" they heard him mutter, knowing it was meant for Felicity's ears only. The others exchanged concerned looks.

Felicity looked sad as she carefully rested her hand on Oliver's shoulder, "Yes. They are. They're here to help."

Oliver nodded, looking up at them. They could tell he was avoiding eye contact still, looking at their foreheads instead.

"How are you holding up?" Curtis asked carefully, causing Oliver to almost laugh.

"Good, all things considered."

They smiled, glad he could at least joke still. Rene moved forward, hands in his pockets.

"Felicity says you got injected with some weird Russian drug?"

The archer nodded again, "Yea."

"Well, we're gonna fix that," Dinah affirmed, earning her a small smile from Oliver.

"Yea, Haus, we got ya," Rene said, smacking Oliver on the back. It hit one of his many scars, really it was difficult not to, and Oliver cried out in pain, doubling over. Felicity was on her feet in a split second, shoving past Rene to kneel in front of Oliver. The group heard her ask how he was doing in a hushed whisper.

"I'm okay," they heard him answer quietly as she ran her hand through his hair. He took a deep breath and after a moment slowly sat up. Felicity stood and turned angrily toward Rene.

"I told you earlier what the drug did! What the hell were you thinking?!" she shouted, crowding his personal space.

"Felicity, it's ok," Oliver said, his voice cracking, at the same time as Rene tried to defend himself with, "I'm sorry. I forgot," and took a step back. When Felicity continued to pursue him, Diggle came between them to stop the situation from escalating.

"Take a breath, guys. Back to business."

Felicity closed her eyes before taking a deep breath, then slowly letting it out.

"Don't even think of trying something like that again," she warned, satisfied when she saw the nervous look Rene gave her, holding up his hands in concession.

"So? What's the game plan here?" Dinah asked. The group moved so they'd be in the rough shape of a circle. They all looked to Felicity.

"Oliver? Maybe we could start with you telling us more about your mission last night?" she suggested, and all eyes moved to him. He looked up and licked his dry lips. He had been sweating so much that he was dehydrated. Felicity handed him the bottle of water she had filled for him. He drank some before taking a deep breath.

"I got word that some of Anatoly's men were smuggling contraband into the city down by the docks. I went to investigate and found a group of them hiding out in one of the warehouses. We got into a fight. One of them had a dart gun and got me with the drug," Oliver explained, trying to keep it as succinct as possible. He was quickly running out of the breath and energy to speak. He wasn't oblivious to the fact that his voice shook as he spoke.

"Who gave you the intel?" Dinah asked.

"Nobody. The security cameras that Felicity hacked into showed more activity than usual at the docks. Especially for the middle of the night. I... I figured something must have been going on," he said. Now his voice was cracking too. Felicity noticed and decided to carry the conversation for him.

"Okay. So either they deliberately tried to drug you, or Anatoly's thugs got their hands on this drug and just decided to use it as their defence. I mean, it got you out of their pretty quickly. And usually, people injected commit suicide, so the odds would be in their favour that whoever they inject wouldn't be bothering them again."

"Not to mention, you said some city councilmen gave Oliver vertigo? Diaz was behind it?" Diggle asked, continuing when Felicity nodded in affirmation, "Well, it's unlikely he'd drug Oliver twice in as many weeks. So this probably wasn't him."

"Anatoly isn't Oliver's fan at the moment though, right?" Dinah queried.

"Who is?" Rene muttered but was silenced when Dinah shot a withering look his way.

"My point is, Oliver could have been the target. Maybe this wasn't Diaz telling Anatoly what to do, but it was all Anatoly. Maybe he didn't know about the vertigo and was just trying to get his own revenge?"

"It's possible," Curtis added but Oliver shook his head.

"It doesn't sound like Anatoly."

"Why does all this even matter anyway?" Rene butted in, irritated, "Why don't we just go find the thugs and give 'em what-for?"

"Because, Rene, we need to know who's behind this," Diggle explained, "Whoever it is is probably the one who has the antidote."

"If there is one," Oliver said quietly.

"Oliver!" Felicity admonished, "Don't talk like that."

"Why not? If the drug originally wore off, there wouldn't be a need for an antidote. What if whoever modified it didn't bother to make one?"

"If they're smart, they would have. They'd need a failsafe in case they got a taste of their own medicine," Dinah interjected.

"Ha, literally. Good one, Dinah," Curtis laughed, looking nervous when everyone glared at him, "What? Cause, the drug. Medicine. I thought it was a... pun?"

"Okay, maybe they did make an antidote, maybe they didn't, "Felicity pressed on, "If we can find another sample of the Red Death then I could probably make an antidote myself. Or we could send it to Star Labs and see what they could do. It would take a little more time, which I know we don't necessarily have, but it would be better than nothing."

"We'll call that Plan B," John agreed, "In the meantime, let's do some recon to try and figure out who is behind this. Whoever they are, they're the most likely ones to have what we're looking for. We'll all suit up and split up. Dinah and Curtis, head down the docks, see what was left behind. Rene and I will go find Anatoly, see if he knows anything about this. And, Felicity can stay here on comms, and keep an eye on Oliver. Sound good?"

Everyone was nodding when Felicity's computer went off. Oliver jumped, the sudden noise startling him, and cried out in pain when it aggravated his scars.

"Results?" he asked through gritted teeth.

"Yea, hold on," Felicity answered, running up the steps to the platform in the center of the bunker. The others followed behind her, leaving Oliver alone in the medbay. He tried to follow, but when simply standing proved too much, he grunted and fell back into his chair.

"What results?" Dinah asked.

"I ran some tests on Oliver, he said his heart hurt. Like different than everything else. So I told him I'd look into it," she answered as she pulled up the screen on her computer, "Oh my God."

"What is it, Felicity?" John asked, coming up behind her to look at the screen. She turned around and looked at the team, worry etched all over her face.

"It's his heart. The drug is... causing a lot of stress. Like a near constant adrenaline rush. He's... he's in danger of having a heart attack if this goes on much longer. He can't handle the strain, it'll just give out," her voice shook.

"That means that even if he doesn't kill himself... we could lose him anyway?" Curtis asked, letting out a breath when Felicity nodded. Tears started to track down her face.

"Okay," Diggle said after a moment of silence, "We really don't have time then. Everyone, you have your mission. Let's suit up."


	9. Chapter 9

The docks were empty and quiet. Black Canary and Mr Terrific were beginning to wonder if anyone else was even down there. It was now nearing nine a.m. and usually, the area would be bustling with activity. They attributed the odd silence to the fact that they were at the farthest dock to the south, where only shady deals went down. If the bad guys had finished their business last night, they'd have no need to stick around any longer than necessary. After finding nothing down on the docks, the pair headed into the warehouse Oliver had been in just the night before.

Clearly, a fight had gone down, they would've been able to tell by all the broken shelving and arrows that were laying around even if Oliver had not told them. There were no lights on in the warehouse, but their were skylights in the ceiling and the rays from the sun filtered down through them.

"Looks like Oliver kicked some major ass before they dosed him," Curtis said, kneeling to the floor and picking up a green arrow that lay there. He inspected it, finding blood on the head.

"Yea," Dinah answered thoughtfully, "Judging by the mess, he was really severely outnumbered."

Curtis sighed, getting back to his feet and dropping the arrow, "Is it bad that I feel guilty about that?"

"No," Dinah said, moving toward her partner, fiddling with her bow staff, "I feel kind of guilty too."

"I mean... I know Oliver's done bad things. Wronged us," Curtis continued, shuffling his feet, "But I just can't shake this feeling that this wouldn't have happened if we'd had his back. Is that strange?"

"No," Dinah repeated, smiling softly at him, "I know what you mean. Now come on, we have to hurry."

They moved deeper into the warehouse and found pieces of shattered glass on the floor. Looking up, they saw that one of the skylights had been broken.

"That's probably where Oliver made his escape," Dinah surmised.

"Ok, so the dart they shot Oliver with should be nearby. Maybe if there's a little bit left inside, Felicity could use it to start making an antidote?"

"Maybe."

They began skimming the floor, sifting through the debris. After a few minutes of silent searching passed, Curtis let out a triumphant shout and held up his hand in victory.

"Shhhh," Dinah said harshly, looking over her shoulder to make sure they weren't heard, "Did you find it?"

"Oh, sorry. Yea, undercover. Silent mission," Curtis whispered, moving quickly toward his partner and holding out his hand, "I think this is the dart."

"Alright. Let's get this back to Felicity, ASAP."

And the pair made their way back out into the morning sun, moving as quickly as they could back toward the bunker.

* * *

 

"John Diggle and friend. To what do I owe the pleasure?" Anatoly Knyazev said by way of greeting, holding the door to his hideout closely to his chest so that his guests couldn't see inside. Ready to shut it if the need arose.

"Anatoly, we need to talk," John responded gruffly.

"Just talk?"

"That's the plan," he answered, removing his hand from where it rested on his gun, opting to cross his arms over his chest instead.

Anatoly looked the pair up and down before stepping back and opening the door, waving them inside. John and Rene walked past him and heard the door shut and lock behind them. The apartment didn't look like anything the two would have expected of the Bratva leader. The furniture was cheap and it was very sparsely decorated. The man had clearly fallen far from his glory days in Russia. Anatoly moved further into the apartment, toward a bar near the back wall, where he took down three glasses and a bottle of vodka. He poured a glass and held it out toward the heroes.

"Thanks, but no," Diggle said, raising a hand in dismissal.

"Suit yourself," the Russian muttered, tossing the glass back and swallowing the contents before pouring himself a new glass and resting his hands on the counter, "What is it you want?"

"Did you send your men down to the docks in the bay last night?" John asked, eyeing Anatoly carefully. The former Pakhan straightened his posture and squinted at the two vigilantes.

"What business is this of yours?"

"Let's just say we got our reasons, Haus," Rene remarked snidely.

"This one," Anatoly said to John, gesturing toward Rene, "I do not like."

"Yea, most people say that."

"Hey, right here," Rene said in an irritated voice. John smiled at his partner briefly before turning back to their host.

"Have you ever heard of some KGB interrogation drug called Red Death?"

Anatoly moved around the bar to head back toward his guests, "This is a specific line of questioning. Care to fill me in?"

"Care to tell us why you haven't answered any of our questions," Rene said, smiling smugly.

The Russian looked between the two, narrowing his eyes in suspicion again, "If you tell me what this is about, I'll share my knowledge with you."

Diggle sighed, glancing at Rene briefly, then took a deep breath before speaking, "Oliver apparently went after some of your men last night and they must've gotten their hands on that drug because they shot Oliver up with it before he could make his escape."

"And you think I am behind this?"

John shrugged, "We don't know if you were specifically targeting him or if it's just something your men carry around to get rid of prying eyes, but we have to ask questions."

"Even if I did this, drug did not wear off? I am told it lasts only few hours. If man survives."

Rene and John exchanged a look.

"You don't know it's been modified?" Rene asked sceptically, "You saying you have no idea what we're talking about?"

"Modified? What you mean?" Anatoly looked to John for an explanation. Rene huffed.

"Whoever is behind this changed the drug. It apparently doesn't wear off. Or just lasts longer than usual. We don't know for sure which. But it's been roughly seven hours since Oliver was injected with the stuff."

Anatoly looked thoughtful for a second. Fiddling with the rim of his glass.

"I know nothing of these goings-on. My men who still follow me are not involved. But there are some former Bratva men in town, other former Bratva, I mean. They may be behind this. I can put out feelers, try and find more."

"Why would you want to help us?" Rene challenged, "I thought you and Oliver broke up."

The Pakhan looked at Wild Dog carefully, "We did, 'break-up' as you say. But I have heard tales of Red Death. If this version truly does not wear off, I would not wish that experience on my worst enemy. Let alone a man who used to be my friend. I will help."

John stepped forward, holding his hand out. Anatoly took the former soldier's hand and they shook firmly. 

"Thank you, Anatoly."

"I will contact you if I find anything."

John nodded solemnly at him, before turning and heading for the door. Rene stayed a moment and shot a stink eye toward Anatoly, who merely cocked an eyebrow in return.

"Rene!" John called from the hallway outside the apartment. Wild Dog broke eye contact and headed after his partner.

Anatoly watched them go. Lifting his cup to his face, tossing it back and grimacing when he felt the burn of the vodka go down his throat.

"Oliver, what have you dragged me into this time?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! Hope y'all like it. Next one should probably be out tomorrow if all goes to plan.


	10. Chapter 10

Felicity couldn't help but grin when Dinah called with the good news.

"Thank you so much!" she beamed.

"We're just a few minutes away, we'll see you soon," the voice carried through the line.

"Alright. I'll set up the equipment. Thank you!" Felicity said again, tears forming in her eyes. They might have a chance. She hung up the phone, putting in back into her pocket. She pumped her fist up and down in victory, not able to hold in her excitement. She had to go tell Oliver the good news.

She headed back toward the med-bay, turning off the light in the bathroom. She hadn't wanted to bother Oliver with the phone call. After the team had left, she had called Quentin to inform him of the situation and Oliver had said that the side of the conversation he couldn't hear was confusing him. His hallucinations were filling it in, changing the conversation. So she had stepped out to take Dinah's call, hoping that a little bit of quiet would help him.

A loud crash sounded from the other room and she froze, trying to figure out what it was. After a moment, she decided it didn't matter, Oliver could be hurt, so she picked up her pace and went running back in his direction.

"Oliver?" she called, skidding to a halt when she came into the doorway. She couldn't immediately see him from her position, he wasn't in the chair she had left him in. So she moved around the platform to find Oliver on the floor once again, but not in the med-bay. He was at the nearest weapons stand, it had been knocked over. And in his hand, a Glock.

"Oliver!" she ran, heart pounding in her chest. She fell to her knees next to him, grabbed the gun, and slid it across the floor as far as she could.

"I wasn't going to do it," he whispered brokenly, still staring down at his hands where they had held the gun in his lap. Felicity saw a tear land on those hands. Watched the small drop splash across his skin.

"Don't scare me like that," she said firmly, taking his hands and squeezing them hard, "Don't you  _ever_ do that!"

"I'm sorry," he answered, impossibly quiet, she could barely hear him, "I can't take this anymore."

"I know," she moves so she's sitting on her legs, pulls his hands into her own lap, "Dinah called. They found the dart. If there's anything left inside, then I'll be able to make the antidote. This will be over soon."

Oliver smiled tightly and brought his beautiful, pain-filled eyes up to meet her own, "Okay."

"What is it?" Felicity asked earnestly, letting emotion creep into her voice. Her husband sighed deeply, his breath hitching halfway through.

"Even if we fix this... it doesn't change anything."

"What do you mean?"

"I'll still be a monster. Everyone will still hate me. I still won't be able to trust people, because sooner or later they're all going to leave. Won't be able to sleep. Nothing will change. The pain will subside but it will always be there.  This life is just... nothing but pain in the end. W-why... why even bother? Is it even worth it?"

Felicity felt the tears begin to flow down her cheeks. It was worse than she thought. It broke her heart to think that this was always how Oliver felt, that it took a KGB interrogation drug for her to see it.

"Oh, Oliver," she cried, releasing one of her hands to wipe the tears from her face, "I'm sorry I didn't realize it had gotten this bad."

"It's okay, i-it's not your fault," he muttered.

"No, I am your wife. I more than anybody should notice when you're struggling."

"I'm not exactly forthcoming with my feelings," he chuckled, moving her hand aside to wipe her tears away himself. She laughed in return.

"No, not really. Unless brooding counts," she reached forward and placed both hands on either side of his face, feeling the muscles in his face turn into a smile.

"It doesn't," he returned, placing his hand over hers.

"I'm going to go get you some water. And maybe some painkillers will help?"

"I'm kind of full-up on drugs right now, Felicity."

"Right, yea. Just water then. Do you need help back to the chair?"

"No, I'm fine down here."

"Alright, I'll be right back."

She grabbed his empty water bottle then went into the back room to fill it up. Once she was around the corner, she stopped and let out a breath she didn't even realize she had been holding. She just wished the others would hurry up already.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Kuzco voice* BOOM BABY *End Kuzco voice*  
> I'm back!! How's everyone?? DID Y'all see that finale last night?! Hoo-boy! Interesting stuff. Good stuff bad stuff. TWIST ENDING (That was sarcasm. saw it coming like ten miles away)  
> Anyway... y'all may need help coping with the hiatus. I know I do, and we're only a day in. So here's a chapter. Enjoi.

"How much longer?" Rene practically whined. 

"It's only been two minutes since you asked last time," Curtis responded, giving his teammate a withering look.

"It's been forever."

"We know!" Felicity shouted, rubbing her temples, "And you're not helping by continuously bringing it up!"

Rene actually looked apologetic, and Felicity returned it. She didn't mean to lash out. This whole business was weighing on her and she could feel her heart collapsing under the strain.

The team had all met back at the bunker, and Felicity had put what little was left in the syringe into one of her machines to break down the chemicals. She wasn't sure if there was enough of the drug left to do so, but she still had a little bit of hope left. If this worked, she could take the chemical breakdown and figure out how to make an antidote that might save Oliver's life. The problem right now was that it was taking a long time and it felt like the suspense was literally killing her. At the very least it was driving her mad and, judging by everyone else's demeanour, the same could be said for everyone else.

"Felicity, do you need something for that headache you clearly have?" Diggle asked, resting a hand on her shoulder. When she smiled sheepishly at him, he left to go grab the medicine.

"I think it'll work. Your tech is pretty good, Felicity. It'll be able to sniff out those chemicals," Curtis tried to assure the blonde.

She sighed, squeezing the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger, "I know. I know. It's just... with such a small sample, it could take too long."

"Don't worry, Felicity," Dinah came up to stand beside her, rubbing her hands comfortingly on Felicity's back, "Everything is going to be fine.  _Oliver_ is going to be fine."

"Yea, maybe I should call William while we wait? Make sure he's doing okay with Raisa. I'll be right back," she walked quietly out of the room, the click of her heels echoing through the hall. Diggle came back and handed her the medicine and a glass of water as she passed by, then came back to the rest of the group.

"How's she doing?"

"Not handling it well, man," Curtis said sadly, watching the doorway where she disappeared.

* * *

 

"Felicity?" William's quiet voice filtered through the speakers.

"Hey, kid. How's it going?"

"Alright, I guess. I mean, I have been getting worried about Dad. Raisa only comes really early when he's in trouble."

Felicity couldn't help but huff a laugh, "You're a smart kid."

"So he is in trouble?" she heard his voice crack.

"Don't worry, Will. It's under control."

"You guys say that every time. And then he always ends up in danger again. How long until he can't make it out?"

Felicity shut her eyes. William was a brave boy and even though he wasn't her own, she was very proud of that fact. But she knew the boy was barely holding it together, they bonded over worry for his father. He confided in her when he was scared and she had grown to be able to recognize the signs.

"William, I know this is scary. Remember? I've been going through this stuff for six years now. And I know it's hard to deal with. But I can  _promise_ that me, John, and everyone else are doing everything we can to protect your father. Ok?"

William was quiet for a long time. She thought the line disconnected.

"What happened?" he asked quietly.

"We'll talk about it more when he's better. Deal?"

"Yea, deal."

"Alright. Now I know we agreed you can stay home from school today, but that doesn't mean you can slack off. Go get your homework done."

William almost laughed, "Yes, Felicity."

Then there was the dial tone as the call ended. Felicity pocketed her phone and headed back to the main part of the bunker to check on Oliver. She knew her promise to William rang true, that they were trying their best. She just hoped it was enough.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hallo friends! I think we're coming up on the end of the story. Couldn't say how many more chapters, due to my inconsistent writing trends. Between 2 and 3 more probably.   
> Anyway, enjoi!

They were all in the middle of a game. The group had sat on the ground with Oliver, forming a circle, and decided to play truth or dare. It was an unspoken agreement that they wouldn't bring up anything too heavy. Oliver and Felicity were already stressed enough and everyone decided that they wouldn't add more by turning what was supposed to be a fun distraction into a more morose activity. They had all seen enough films where truth or dare quickly went wrong.

"Truth," Oliver said, a smile on his face. It was pained but there all the same and his team would have to take what they could get.

"Come on, Haus, that's your third truth in a row," Rene complained.

Oliver just shrugged in return, "I can't exactly get up to do a dare right now."

"Fair enough," Rene held his hands up in defeat, then thought for a second, "Ok... if you could have any superpower, what would it be?"

Everyone cracked up and Dinah smacked her teammate's shoulder, "A little on the nose, Rene."

"I couldn't think of anything! This game is hard! Just answer, man!"

"Okay, okay," Oliver said, making a humming noise as he thought, "None of you can ever tell Barry this... but super speed."

"Oh! I am texting him right now!" Felicity snorted, reaching for her phone.

"No!" Curtis snatched her phone from her, holding it above his head, "This game is sacred! Nothing we say here leaves this room."

Felicity glared at him, but conceded and held out her hand, "Fine. Give it back."

"Thanks, Curtis," Oliver nodded to his friend then looked around the group, "Alright. My turn. Dig! Truth or dare?"

"Hmm," Diggle started, before his phone began to ring and derailed the group, "Hold on."

"Who is it?" Felicity asked.

"Anatoly," Diggle answered, looking up at the group. He answered the phone, "Yea?"

"I think you and your friends need to get down to the docks, right now."

"Why? What's going on?"

"No time! Just get here!" the Russian shouted before gunshots were heard through the speakers, causing Diggle to jerk the phone away from his ear. Then it disconnected.

"Is Anatoly alright?" Oliver asked, sounding like their leader again despite how tired her obviously was.

"I don't know. We gotta get down there," Diggle jumped to his feet and everyone but Oliver followed suit, "Will you and Felicity be alright here by yourselves?"

Oliver nodded, "You guys go. We'll be fine."

"Everyone, suit up," John answered before heading off toward the area where they stored their gear.

Felicity looked down at her husband, still sitting on the floor. He looked almost sad. Like he wished more than anything that he could be out there helping. Especially since this was Anatoly in danger. No matter what had happened between the pair, they still used to be friends and she knew Oliver still cared about him. It would probably be torture having to sit down here without knowing what was happening. And considering how much he was being tortured right now, that was saying something. She sighed as she started to walk toward the platform to get her computers set up, but halted in her footsteps halfway there.

She spun around and walked back to Oliver, holding her hand out for him to take, "Come on."

"Where are we going?" he asked, looking up at her curiously.

"Just take it," she waved her hand around right in front of his face, breaking out into a smile when he grabbed hold finally. She pressed her other hand over his and pulled him up to his feet. He grunted in pain as she did so, but he was standing and she would take it. Turning toward the platform again, she kept hold of his hand, letting her arm fall behind her as she dragged him along. She fell into step beside him right before they reached the steps, putting his arm around her shoulder so she could muscle him up with her.

"What are we doing?" he asked, out of breath. A quick glance at his face told her that it was taking everything in him not to give in the pain, his eyes squeezed shut and his face drenched in sweat.

She pulled one of her chairs out and gently lowered him down, "I thought you'd like to help me out up here since you can't go into the field right now."

Oliver looked at her quietly for a minute, and she found herself wondering what was going on in his head. Then, he reached out and grabbed her hand, squeezing it tightly.

"Thank you," he whispered.

She leaned down and gave him a quick peck on the cheek, "Anything for you."

Felicity rolled her chair up beside Oliver and sat down, logging into the computer quickly.

"They just exited the garage," Oliver said, gesturing toward the security feed, "They'll probably reach the dock in 15 minutes."

"Alright, my love," she looked to her husband with a confident smile on her face and it only broadened when he returned it to her, "Let's get these guys."


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so funny story. I thought for like the last few days that I updated this cause I had a dream that I did. And I just now saw that I didn't. So here I am, Big Idiot. Enjoy a real chapter.

As soon as the team's van pulled up at the dock they all saw the chaos going down. The few men Anatoly had left were fighting some other men dressed in black. They were outnumbered and it looked like a losing battle. Fortunately for Anatoly, it seemed that they had arrived right on time. He was on the floor, a thug's gun pointed right at his face, hands up in a useless attempt to protect his face. The van skidded to a halt as Wild Dog jumped out the back, shooting Anatoly's would-be assailant down. He ran over and offered a hand to the Russian, pulling him to his feet.

Anatoly let out a sigh, fixing his suit, "Thank you, Dog Man."

Rene huffed a laugh, he never could get the former mob member to get his name right, "Yea, don't sweat it. What's going on?"

"I believe I found these men you are looking for," Anatoly almost had to shout over the commotion going on around them, "I do not know what organization they are working for, but they have been snooping in warehouses in same area as the ones Oliver go after. And they match description you give me. Seem suspicious, no?"

"Sounds about right, Haus," Rene looked around to see where the rest of his team got to, spotting them fighting not too far away, "How about you get out of here? We got this."

"I intend to stay. If this is the men, they hurt a friend of mine," Anatoly said, tone broaching no argument, and Rene simply nodded solemnly. Anatoly picked up his gun from where it had fallen during the attack and cocked it, nodding in return before the pair broke ranks and headed into the fray.

The others had jumped right into the fight after the van stopped and had already taken down half a dozen before Rene decided the join them. The Black Canary pressed her feet firmly into the floor, throwing her torso forward, and letting loose one of her cries. It sent a pair of the goons flying into the brick wall of the nearest warehouse. One was knocked unconscious, but the other still stood and she rushed forward, grabbing the collar of his shirt. She slammed him into the wall again, getting close enough to his face that she could smell his disgusting breath as the wind was knocked out of him.

"Who do you work for?" she growled, shaking him when he didn't immediately answer.

"Никто, сумасшедшая женщина!" he shouted, reaching his hands to grab her wrists, trying to break the grip she had on him. 

Dinah twisted to the side and shoved him to the ground, grabbing her bow staff and thrusting the end up to this throat, "English!"

He held his hands up in surrender, they were shaking slightly, "Okay! We work for nobody!"

His accent was thick, so thick she almost didn't pick it up over the din of the fight going on around her, "What do you mean?"

"We used to. We KGB retired. No longer exist."

"What are you doing here?!" she increased the pressure on his throat, releasing slightly when he made a small choking noise. She was putting pieces together. She just needed a little more.

"What else? Money. Nobody hire us. We hear former Bratva operate in city. We come to steal."

"What about that drug you use? Red Death," she hissed.

"Красная Смерть?" he laughed, "That what this about? Not our crimes?"

"We'll discuss that later," she moved her bow staff so she could kneel beside the man and grab the collar of his shirt again, jerking him upward and revelling in the grunt of pain it elicited, "Right now I want to know about what you did to the Green Arrow."

Again the man laughed, "Капюшон. He got what he deserved."

"Watch it, that's my friend you're talking about," she answered snidely, surprising herself when she realized that she meant those words. She really had a lot to fix when this was all over. Funny how it takes potentially losing someone for a person to realize just how much they really mean.

The battle ended around them, Curtis taking out the last thug standing with one of his T-Spheres. He, Rene, Diggle and Anatoly came to stand behind the Canary. The man she was holding sighed and closed his eyes. She realized then he had been stalling, hoping someone would save him.

"All your friends are gone, so I decide your fate now. I suggest you tell me what I want to know."

"Fine," he spat, "What you want?"

"The modified version of Red Death that you injected into the Green Arrow," she reiterated, emphasizing each word as she spoke, "Is there an antidote?"

The man looked her in the eye and gave her a smug smirk, "No. Your friend is going to die."

She threw him to the ground, letting out a shout of frustration, and stepped back to stand with her team.

"That doesn't make any sense," Curtis said, "Why make a drug that has no cure? If one of you gets injected, you're done for."

"That does not matter to us," the man said, rising slowly to his feet, "Original version for interrogation. Ours for torture. Teach lesson to all who mess with us, that enemy will die slow and painful death. Send message."

Suddenly there was a loud bang as a bullet went through the former KGB agent's head and he collapsed to the floor. Everyone turned shocked toward Anatoly who merely shrugged in return.

"What? He was taking too long to tell us nothing."

"So you killed him?!" John shouted in disbelief.

"Dah. I thought you knew me better. We do not have time for this."

"If they don't have an antidote, then all we can really do is hope that Felicity's sample was enough to make one," Curtis explained, looking around at the sullen group.

"Um... guys," Felicity's voice came over the comms, "The results just came back. The sample wasn't big enough to formulate an antidote."

Everyone sighed in defeat, apart from Anatoly who merely raised an eyebrow.

"You all give up so quickly? We have idiots unconscious on floor. We search them for more of drug." Anatoly suggested, looking at the bodies strewn across the floor then back to the team of vigilantes, "Is it not requirement to be smart to be hero in this city?"

The Russian walked off, the group staring after him in disbelief.

"How did we not think of that?" Rene asked the rest of the group. John crossed his arms over his chest, shaking his head as he smiled.  _Good old, Anatoy,_ he thought.

Oliver's voice sarcastic crackled through the comms, "Anatoly's always been exceptionally perceptive of the obvious."

"Oh, shut up, Oliver," Rene snapped back, but he had a small smile on his face. He had kind of missed this banter that they all had as a team when they used to work together.

The team followed after Anatoly to search for Red Death, hoping against hope that they'd still have time for another try at making an antidote.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me if the Russian is bad. I used Google translate.  
> So, translations:  
> Никто, сумасшедшая женщина: Nobody, crazy lady!  
> Красная Смерть: Red Death  
> Капюшон: The Hood


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my children! I have returned. I took a month long nap. Jk I wish. I was just busy. Anyway, here enjoy.

The team sifted through the remains of their battle, checking pockets and bags, looking for even a little bit of the drug.

"Got it!" Curtis shouted from around the corner, causing everyone to take off running in his direction. When he came into view, he had a giant triumphant grin on his face, holding a black leather case up.

"Is it enough?" Dinah pants as the group came to a halt beside him.

"More than enough," he answers, holding out the empty case, letting the group see that it held four syringes, two on each side, kept in place by little elastic bands.

"Oh thank god," Diggle breathed, bending over and resting his hands on his knees. Everyone couldn't keep the grins from their faces.

"You guys got it?!" Felicity shouted through the mic, causing Rene to flinch from the loud and high-pitched sound.

"Yea, Blondie. But maybe less with the dog whistle next time."

"Sure, yea. Of course. Now just hurry back."

"Be there in 20," Diggle answered, and the team took off back toward their van with Anatoly bringing up the rear.

* * *

"They got it," Felicity said softly, spinning her chair around to look at Oliver. The lights from the computer screen had started bugging him, so he had backed off for a little bit, telling her to keep him posted. He had rolled his chair to the other side of the platform and rested his elbows on his knees, pressing his face into his hands. His entire body was drenched in sweat, his entire t-shirt having turned several shades darker. At the sound of her voice, he lifted his head and gave her a tired smile.

"That's great."

She returned the smile with a sympathetic look, "You just need to hang on a little while longer. Just long enough to synthesize an antidote."

He nodded silently, grimacing in pain. Then he cried out and his hand shot up to his chest before he slipped off the chair. She was on her feet in an instant, running to his side. 

"Oliver!" she kneeled beside him, grabbing one of his hands with one of her own. She reached forward his her free one and check his throat for a pulse. It was weak, but it was there. She called for him again, "Oliver! Can you hear me?"

"Felicity?" Diggle's voice sounded quietly through the comms. She squeezed Oliver's hand one more time before running back to her computer.

"Oliver's unconscious. I think he's having a heart attack. Hurry!"

"We're almost there," Diggle responding, urgency tinging every syllable.

She ran down the platform, looking for their crash cart. She had never been so grateful that they had invested in one. Once she found it, she rolled it over toward the base of the platform.

"I'm sorry. This is going to hurt. But I can't get the cart up the steps."

Felicity moved toward Oliver's head and squatted behind him. Putting her hands into his armpits, she couldn't keep in the groan as she heaved him upwards.

"Man," she grunted, "you are so heavy. I'm so glad I started doing squats every day."

Felicity turned so her back was to the steps, backing down them and dragging him along with her.

"Well, and they make my butt look good. But you knew that."

She winced as they went down each step, knowing it was probably only adding more pain to Oliver's poor body. When they finally reached the bottom, she gently lay his head down. Grabbing her jacket from the nearest table, she bundled it into a pillow for him.

After checking his pulse once more, she found it gone.

"Shit!" Felicity cried, reaching abruptly for the cart, "No, no, no. Stay with me."

Felicity grabbed the defibrillator, setting it on the ground beside her. She cut open his soaked t-shirt and placed the nodes on his chest in their proper places. She charged up the machine, shouted "clear" despite the empty room and placed the paddled on his chest. His body jerked upwards before going back to the ground. 

"Come on, come on," she checked his pulse again, once again finding nothing. She charged up the paddles once more and pressed them to his chest, "How many times has your heart stopped in your life? That cannot be good for you."

This time, the thready pulse had returned and she allowed herself to let a sob free. She rested her head on his chest and listened to his heart beat faintly, needing that extra reassurance. Tears fell onto his shoulder as she lifted her head and leaned forward, pressing her hands onto his cheeks and caressed his face, ran a hand through his sweat-soaked hair.

"I said stay with me. Good husbands are supposed to listen to their wives, okay? No more scares like that," Felicity commanded, even though she knew logically that he couldn't hear her, "You are not allowed to leave me."

She pressed a soft kiss to his forehead, then turned back to the crash cart. After making sure he was stable with what little equipment she had, Felicity sat beside her husband on the floor, taking one of his hands and holding it tightly in her lap with both of her own, one finger pressed against the pulse point on his wrist. If his heart stopped again, she would know, she would be ready.

He was not going to die. Not as long as Felicity still held breath in her body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh. It's been so long I think I got out of the swing of the story for a bit. I think I had it back by the end of the chapter though.   
> Anyway, we are nearing the end of this little adventure. I lost my job, so I'll have more writing time.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for all the encouragement. I just realized that I have two or three people who comment on every chapter without fail and I just love you guys so much. It means a lot to me.

That was how the team found Oliver and Felicity when they entered the bunker, Oliver lying prone on the ground with Felicity by his side, right where she always was. Diggle couldn't keep a small smile from his face. He regretted treating Oliver the way he had, allowing his disappointment and anger with himself to be taken out on his best friend. It made Diggle feel just a little bit better to know that no matter what he or the others said, at least Felicity had never left Oliver's side. She had always been there. Like a steady beam of light, she could always be counted on the show the way out of the darkness that Oliver so often found himself lost in.

"How is he?" he asked softly as the group came to stop by the pair. Anatoly hovered back toward the elevator.

When Felicity looked up, he saw the drying tears in her eyes, and her voice was barely above a pained whisper, "He's stable now. John, his heart stopped."

The solemn energy in the room was palpable and heavy, weighing him down.

"Then we better get this started," Curtis answered, handing the case with the drug down to Felicity. Her eyes widened as she quickly snatched him from him, unzipping it to look inside.

"Right!" she shouted, jumping to her feet, all business once again. No sign of her previous tears left. She was ready to work, Curtis close behind. Her steps echoed throughout the bunker as she ran toward her machines, and called back over her shoulder, "Can you guys get him up on the table?"

Wordlessly, John and Rene stepped forward. The former grabbing Oliver's shoulders while the latter picked up his legs. Very carefully, so as to avoid jostling him too much, the pair brought their friend toward the med bay. Dinah grabbed Felicity's jacket from the floor, bringing it over and placing it once more underneath their leader's head.

The trio stood solemnly around Oliver as the geniuses worked on the chemical analysis of the drug, double-checking its authenticity.

It was deathly quiet, only the soft clicking sounds of the machines as the pair worked.

All of a sudden, Oliver's body started jerking.

"He's having a seizure!" Dinah shouted, running back toward the crash cart. Anatoly slowly headed closer, stopping near the bottom of the platform stairs. Felicity's head jerked up in panic, starting toward her husband.

"No!" Diggle ordered, pointing a stern finger at her, "Keep working. We've got this."

With one last glance at Oliver, she nodded stiffly and turned back to her screens. He jumped into action, ordering Rene to grab Oliver's head so he wouldn't injure himself. When Dinah was in reach, he reached out and pulled the cart toward him, grabbing a syringe from the cart in the hopes that the chemical would stop the reaction. Nothing.

"We're running out of time," Curtis mumbled nervously.

"Not helping!" Felicity shouted angrily, her eyes laser-focused.

"This isn't the Red Death!"

"What?!" Rene spun around, hands remaining on either side of Oliver's head, "What is it?!"

"I don't know! The chemical make-up is different!" Curtis said nervously, looking at the list of chemicals in disbelief.

As the chaos in the room continued, Felicity stopped. She read the list intently, taking in each component. Then it hit her. She had seen some of these before.

"Move!" she yelled, grabbing one of the other syringes from the black case and running toward the med bay.

"What? What is it?!" Dinag asked urgently, stepping back to let her through. The blonde skidded to a halt beside the table, shoving Rene out of the way. Taking the cap off, she reached her arm up and stabbed the syringe into Oliver's chest, depressing the plunger.

"What are you doing?!" Curtis shouted, running toward the group.

"It's the antidote," she muttered, watching Oliver closely.

"Are you sure?" Curtis asked, "They sai-"

He was cut off as Oliver suddenly stopped moving. Everyone held their breath. Diggle reached forward to check Oliver's pulse. Felicity grabbed hold of John's arm with both her hands, squeezing it in a death grip, her nails digging into his skin. He didn't notice. Before his fingers could reach Oliver's pulse point, their friend's eyes shot open, only to squeeze shut again as he started to cough from deep in his throat. Half a dozen breaths were released at once.

"Oliver?" Felicity called softly, leaning forward and pressing her hand on his forehead. He was warm and her hand came away clammy.

He opened his eyes a little to look at her before they ventured to the others standing around him.

"Am I better?" his voice rasped, causing Felicity to huff a small, teary laugh. She grabbed his hand and held on tightly.

Rene shrugged, "Let's find out," and poked a burn scar on Oliver's left peck. Dinah smacked Rene in the shoulder, but they all noticed that Oliver didn't react. They all sighed in relief.

"Man, that was close," John said, clapping Oliver on the shoulder.

"Thank you," he whispered, looking to his brother, then to all his friends, "Thank all of you."

"Nah, don't thank us. We didn't do much. I'd thank Felicity," Rene said, and the blonde looked at him in shock, "I think in this situation, she's the hero."

Oliver squeezed back on his wife's hand, trying to grab her attention. When her blue eyes met his, he smiled tiredly, "I have been saying that for years."

She let out a wet sob, falling forward and wrapping her arms around him. She pressed her face into the area where his shoulder met his neck and let herself sob. Oliver grunted from the impact but brought his arms up to wrap them around his wife, holding her close.

"Stop scaring me," she whispered softly, lifting her head to look him in the eye.

"I'll try," he answered honestly, and she knew it was the best he could give. He could never make a firm promise, not while they lived the life they lived. For now, it was good enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in two days?! WHAAAAT?! You lucky SOBs. We've got like one (maaaaybe two) more chapters left so I got all motivated to finish. Hope ya liked!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seem to have accidentally confused some people in the last chapter. So I didn't want to keep y'all waiting for the next chapter. Here ya go, two in a day!

"How are you doing, man?"

Oliver looked up when he heard John's words to see his friend hovering in the doorway. The archer was sitting on a bench against the wall in the range. He had been so tired that he could hardly keep his eyes open, understandably given the strain his body had been under for the last few days. Felicity had helped him in, clearing his bow off the bench, placing an actual pillow on the end, and wrapping a blanket around his shoulders. She had parted with a soft, "Get some rest," and a small sweet smile. Oliver had slept for a while, but a nightmare had woken him up less than an hour later. Now he sat on the edge of the bench, blanket pulled around him, scratching his hands through his hair.

"Fine," he responded, offering up a week smile.

"Bullshit," John chuckled, leaning his right shoulder against the doorway and crossing his arms, "But that's okay. It's been a long couple of days."

Oliver laughed in return, looking down to look at his knees and shaking his head. Good ole' Dig. He clenched his hands in his lap, fidgeting with them for a moment before looking back up to Diggle.

"Thanks for coming back. Even if you don't want to stay..."

"Stop it right there, I'm staying," John interrupted, pushing off the doorway and moving further into the room, "If only to make sure you don't get yourself into trouble like this again. Felicity would kill me."

Oliver chuckled again, "If I get into something like this again, I think she would kill you and then me."

"Maybe. You do have that whole married thing in your favor."

"Yea, that might help."

The pair laughed together for a moment, revelling in their ages-old friendship before they lapsed into a comfortable silence.

"I didn't think I was going to make it," Oliver said softly after a while.

John looked up at the face of his friend, taking in all the lines of stress that hadn't been there even just a few weeks ago when Diggle left the team. Taking a deep breath, he walked to the bench and sat beside Oliver, waiting for him to continue.

"It was just Felicity. She couldn't have found the drug and made an antidote all by herself. Even with you guys helping, we almost didn't make it. It was just luck that the case you found had the antidote in it. If Felicity had had to synthesize some herself... I don't think I would be here right now. I thought... that she was going to watch me die. That she'd have to deal with losing me  _again_ ," Oliver took a deep breath, "That William would be an orphan because of me."

"Samantha wasn't your fault. I should never have said that. I didn't mean it," John said solemnly.

"I know," Oliver answered softly, "I can't help but feel guilty though. It's just... who I am. And I can't help feeling like this whole situation with Red Death was my fault. Like if I wasn't so reckless... And I hurt Felicity because of it. I put her through hell. And I don't think I can do it anymore."

When Oliver looked up at John, the ex-soldier was surprised to see the beginning of tears sitting in his brother's blue eyes. John had to fix this.

"Hey, first of all, this is not on you. Remember when I left, that I was deflecting my own guilt onto you?" When Oliver nodded, he continued, "Not anymore. This was our fault. You had no choice but to go into that fight all by yourself. You had lives to save with no team to back you. That's on us."

Oliver nodded fervently like he was trying to force himself to believe it, to dissuade his own guilt.

"William understands that your job comes with risks. I mean, he said he was alright with all of this. We both  _know_ that Felicity understands it. And the beauty of being married to her now means that god-forbid something did happen to you, your son wouldn't be totally alone. He'd have her."

He clapped a hand onto Oliver's shoulder, squeezing gently, confirming he had his friend's attention.

"I think all of this just has you tired. Physically and emotionally. I think you should try and get some more rest, see if you feel a little better tomorrow. Felicity called William. He's with Raisa and he's glad you're gonna be alright."

"Thanks, John," Oliver offered up another small smile, putting his arm around Diggle for a small side hug.

John pat Oliver on the back a few times before rising and making his way out of the room. That was the first pep talk he had given Oliver in a long time, and he allowed himself a small smile when he realized that, since he was never going to abandon Oliver again, it was only the first of many more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good old John and Oliver bro-moments.


	17. Chapter 17

The next morning dawned in an array of pinks of orange, not a cloud in the sky as the sun shone bright and true. Not that anyone on the team would know since they all remained down in the bunker the rest of the night and through to the next morning. Oliver had managed to fall asleep and stay asleep for several hours, his body too exhausted to stay awake any longer. Felicity had called William to let him know that everything was alright now, that Oliver would be okay and that they'd be coming home soon. William was worried and wanted to come down to the bunker to see his father, but Felicity had told him that Oliver needed a lot of rest before any visits could happen and William had understood. He was a smart boy.

Anatoly had decided to leave, not liking the looks everyone was giving him. He had mentioned much.

"Not that you haven't earned them," Rene had remarked snidely.

"I believe what I have earned is, 'thank you.' Tell Oliver I send my best," the Russian had answered before heading toward the stairs, "Прощай."

The rest had gathered around the table where they used to discuss game plans. None of them felt right leaving just yet. Not before they were sure that Oliver was going to be alright. They had lucked out with the antidote and they weren't used to good luck. It was an awkward gathering, to say the least.

Felicity was still a little peeved with all of them and with no mission forcing them to work together anymore, they weren't sure how they were supposed to communicate.

"Soooo..." Curtis said awkwardly, "Um, charades anyone?"

"Knock it off, man," Rene complained, tapping his hands on the table in a gesture of irritation.

"You guys can go if you're so bored," Felicity all but shouts, the incessant tapping driving her nuts.

"We want to make sure that he's okay," Dinah explained from her seat across the table, beside Rene. She slammed her hand down onto Rene's, effectively ceasing his movement.

"He's fine," Felicity mumbled, more to herself than to the rest of the room, "Of course, he's fine."

"We just want to make sure," Dinah reiterated, smiling softly at the blonde.

"Why?" Felicity asked, looking up at the group, "You want to stick around and make sure everything went well so that you can... what, exactly? Make him think you care and then leave again? Do you realize that that is actually crueller than just leaving right now?"

"I don't intend on leaving again, Felicity," Diggle spoke up from where he sat beside her, resting a hand on her shoulder, "I'm sticking around."  


Felicity looked at him, letting out a soft sigh as she took in the honesty in his eyes. She instantly felt guilty for treating them so terribly, especially after they had just saved her husband's life.

"Sorry..." she said to the others, "Sorry, I'm just a little on edge."

"Totally understandable," Dinah answered, cutting off Rene before he could make a snide remark, "And we kind of deserve it anyway."

"No, you don't. At least not for this," the blonde responded, "You're just here to help. I should be thanking you."

"Somebody I admire once told me that heroes help people. It's what they do," Curtis said, smiling at his friend, "No thanks necessary."

Felicity nodded, rising from her seat.

"I'm gonna go check on him."

"Let us know how he's doing," John asked, looking up at her over his shoulder.

"Of course," she gave him a quick pat on his shoulder as she left the room.

They weren't the perfect team, not by a long shot. But they were all willing to work on being better, and that was all anyone could ask for. Maybe, just maybe, one-day Team Arrow could be whole again. A girl could only hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter! Ta-da!!  
> Hope you guys liked. I never like my endings. They're so... final. Idk.  
> Anyway! Glad you all were along for the ride! Thanks for reading!


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